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March 19, 2009

Robot talk




"How's that book you're reading?" one robot asked to the other.

"Is it any good?"

"Naah. Just the usual," replied her companion. Boy loses girl. Boy builds girl."


Source: Louis Philips, Way Out! (Viking Kestrel)

February 28, 2009

Circus


Desperate for work a man went to the owner of a local circus and asked if there were many openings. The owner told him that he needed a high-wire act, but the job required walking without a net over the lion's pit while wearing a monkey suit.

In no position to quibble, the man took the job, put on the suit and climbed to the high wire amid the stunned gasps of the crowd.

Stepping gingerly on the thin cord, he began to shuffle his way across, but quickly lost his footing and tumbled into the lion's cage.

"Help!" the man screamed as the lion pounced on him.
"This beast is going to eat me!"

"Shut up!" the lion said angrily.
"You want to get us all fired?"

(Marlon Huerta, Reader's Digest)

Photo: Source

February 19, 2009

Best suicide note ever written?


One man asked his friend: What is the best suicide note ever written?

His friend said, "What? That's ridiculous? How can a suicide note be written that way?

"Easy, my friend". Just write: 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

(He he he he! NO offense meant to married men. )

February 03, 2009

Addition

Peter's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics when she heard that they would make her look years younger. After applying the products, she asked her husband:

"Darling, tell me honestly. What age would you say I am?"

Looking her over carefully, Peter replied:

"Let me see. Judging by your skin, 20; your hair 18; and your figure, 25."

"Oh you flatterer, she gushed in delight."

"No wait, Peter replied. I have not added them up yet!"












(Source: Reader's Digest, Vol.81.No.482, May 2003 edition)

January 24, 2009

And then the fight started..



(The following jokes were sent by my friend, Greg, through e-mail. Thanks!)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

***********

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

***********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion. I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

*********

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" (Probably referring to the mad cow disease.)

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

**********

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started...

January 14, 2009

Car Wash


A sign board in front of a car wash:


IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS, IT IS TIME YOU WASH YOUR CAR!

January 10, 2009

Control Yourself


A sign board posted in an air-conditioned hotel room:

If you want just warm air, then, simply control yourself. (he, he, he!)

December 30, 2008

Happy new year to one and all!
Thanks for your visits. :)

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